Sweet words that Ian spoke at bedtime a few months ago. ”Thank you for finding me…” Words to make any mother become emotional and so affirming about the journey we have been on. It is so ironic that he thinks we “found him”. It was a great opportunity to share how God brought us together and made us a family. It has been such a blessing to see how Ian blooming. He has transitioned so incredibly well. He has done fantastic at school and socially and will head to third grade next year (he’ll have some tutoring over the summer). He has mastered English so quickly and is a happy little boy. There are still food issues which is mostly about control, and a hypervigilence that mimics ADHD that is common with children with his background but it is managable for the most part. He has made friends, and has become much less “clingy” to me. He played Upward basketball and Upward Soccor and did great! Now he has joined the neighborhood summer swim team, which he loves! Considering that he didn’t even know how to swim when he came home last August, he has conquored a lot in his short time here. It is so rewarding to see him growing, maturing, and loving his new life. But the journey is also so hard sometimes. The hardest part is managing the sibling issues with the twins that are closest to Ian’s age. Ian thinks he should be able to do all the same things the twins do because there is only a year difference between them, but he is much younger developmentally and the maturity level is much lower (but obviously I can’t really say that to him in that way). There is still a lot of “competition” for my time and affection which wears on me. If one of the kids is needing my attention or we are in conversation, Ian usually does something in the background to distract. There are a lot of attention getting behaviors that my kids find very very annoying. Ian’s life was filled with choas – it was his norm. So, he often tries to recreate his norm, and creates choas at home. There are many behaviors that were adaptable in his previous life, but in a family setting, it drives my younger kids crazy ( and me). There is a lot more neediness, tension and squabbling then we are used to at home and it has tested me in so many ways. In the big picture, I know that my kids will someday look back on this journey and see the big picure, see that we followed God’s leading and even though it was not easy, we have been blessed.
Now for the griddy stuff….going into our adoption, there were things I thought might be issues and they have turned out not to be (so far). But one thing I thought for sure I would be able to do is just love him unconditionally. I will be dead honest and say that I am struggling with this. I sometimes have a hard time loving him, accepting him, giving him the breaks that I give my other kids. I really thought it would come easily to me but it hasn’t. It makes me feel really really awful. Why is this hard? I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect boy to join our family. I have to give it to God so often and pray that God’s power will be in me today and will help me to love Ian in a way a mamma should. It humbles me so much. Finally I get the whole thing about God adopting me, becoming my father and loving me unconditionally, having such patience with me, giving me grace when I mess up so much. I do believe it will all fall into place, but for now, I have to rely on the Almighty to help me with this. I am so so thankful that God ”found me” and everyday I thank God for my little boy who thinks I “found” him in Ukraine.
Sorry for the long delay in updating. I always say I will do better, but I never do, so I won’t make a promise. But, I am going to try to at least get pictures up more frequently. Thanks for those who have been prodding me to update, and thanks especially to all who have been praying and thinking of us!
Finally, a new family picture with Ian!
The handsome man himself
Always the character!