“Thank you for finding me in Ukrainia”

Sweet words  that Ian spoke at bedtime a few months ago.  “Thank you for finding me…”  Words to make any mother become emotional and so affirming about the journey we have been on.   It is so ironic that he thinks we “found him”.  It was a great opportunity to share how God brought us together and made us a family.  It  has been such a blessing to see how Ian blooming.   He has transitioned so incredibly well.  He has done fantastic at school and socially and will head to third grade next year (he’ll have some tutoring over the summer).  He has mastered English so quickly and is a happy little boy.  There are still food issues which is mostly about control, and a hypervigilence that mimics ADHD that is common with children with his background but it is managable for the most part. He has made friends, and has become much less “clingy” to me.   He played Upward basketball and Upward Soccor and did great!  Now he has joined the neighborhood summer swim team, which he loves!  Considering that he didn’t even know how to swim when he came home last August, he has conquored a lot in his short time here.   It is so rewarding to see him growing, maturing, and loving his new life.  But the journey  is also so hard sometimes.   The hardest part is managing the sibling issues with the twins that are closest to Ian’s age.  Ian thinks he should be able to do all the same things the twins do because there is only a year difference between them,  but he is much younger developmentally and the maturity level is much lower (but obviously I can’t really say that to him in that way).   There is still a lot of “competition” for my time and affection which wears on me.  If one of the kids is needing my attention or we are in conversation, Ian usually does something in the background to distract.   There are a lot of attention getting behaviors that my kids find very very annoying.  Ian’s life was filled with choas – it was his norm.  So, he often tries to recreate his norm, and creates choas at home.  There are many behaviors that were  adaptable in his previous life, but in a family setting, it drives my younger kids crazy ( and me). There is a lot more neediness,  tension and squabbling  then we are used to at home and it has tested me in so many ways.  In the big picture, I know that my kids will someday look back on this journey and see the big picure, see that we followed God’s leading and  even though it was not easy, we have been blessed.

Now for the griddy stuff….going into our adoption, there were things I thought might be issues and they  have turned out not to be (so far).  But one thing I thought for sure I would be able to do is just love him unconditionally. I will be dead honest and say that I am struggling with this.   I sometimes have a hard time loving him, accepting him, giving him the breaks that I give my other kids.  I really thought it would come easily to me but it hasn’t.  It makes me feel really really awful.  Why is this hard?  I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect boy to join our family.  I have to give it to God so often and pray that God’s power will be in me today and will help me to love Ian in a way a mamma should.  It humbles me so much.  Finally I get the whole thing about God adopting me, becoming my father and loving me unconditionally, having such patience with me, giving me grace when I mess up so much.  I do believe it will all fall into place,  but for now, I have to rely on the Almighty to help me with this.  I am so so thankful that God  “found me” and  everyday I thank God for my little boy who thinks I “found” him in Ukraine.

Sorry for the long delay in updating.  I always say I will do better, but I never do, so I won’t make a promise.  But, I am going to try to at least get pictures up more frequently.  Thanks for those who have been prodding me to update, and thanks especially to all who have been praying and thinking of us!

Finally, a new family picture with Ian! 

The handsome man himself

Always the character!

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25 Responses to “Thank you for finding me in Ukrainia”

  1. Autumn says:

    I think of your family and Ian often. I will pray that Jesus will be close to all of you and that the “bumps” will be come fewer and farther between. Thank you for being willing to be honest about your feelings……sometimes seeing adoptions through a blog seem so rosy and sweet. Will pray also that you will see him through the eyes of Jesus…even when your human side doesn’t feel like it. I pray this over my own children. May God bless you for stepping up for Ian. You are all in my prayers so often….I feel like I know you. Isn’t the family of God wonderful?? xo!

  2. Emily says:

    I love your honesty. I follow your blog and many others that have adopted and so many make it seem like everything is perfect all the time. Praying for you and your family and this amazing journey you are on.

  3. Debbie says:

    yeah an update!!! Ian is so so handsome! you’re entire family is beautiful! Love your honesty! As an adopted Mom myself there certainly are challenges, but like yourself we hang in there and try to do our very best! Thanks so much for sharing! Prayers and (((hugs)))

  4. diva341 says:

    I wonder if you’ve ever read this: http://www.melissafaygreene.com/pages/adoptanthology.html
    It is a great and honest article about the challenges of loving a newly adopted older child. I love it and I wonder if it might speak to your situation (or at least reassure you that your reactions are completely normal!). I’m glad to see Ian flourishing, challenges and all.

  5. Jan says:

    It was really great to read the update! Thank you for your honesty! I think sometimes it is easy to believe that if God called us to do something that He will make it an easy path, when that isn’t always the case. Sometimes He calls us to do hard things, and that is when He can show Himself so mighty! That is when we can say, “Only by His grace and strength and not our own!” I’ll definitely keep praying for you and your precious family!

  6. Harmony Fisher says:

    It’s been so cool to watch your family develop, and to see God moving in your lives. Sometimes I think God lets everything fall into place in an only, “God way”, so that when times are rough there is NO denying that the Lord is with you and you are in the center of His will. Love you fishies- Harmony

  7. Gwen says:

    I love reading about you and seeing you and your family at church. I also appreciate your willingness to write that all is not “love and roses” all the time. I am reminded of Gillian Marchenko’s writing on this topic — though her adoption was of a child w/DS, you might find some of her posts echoing your sentiments about your own feelings. That said, we need to get our kiddos together! They would have tons of fun, I hope, at least the youngers. HUGS.

  8. Lela says:

    So good to read your update. I’ve been wondering how Ian was doing. Originally, had read about he and your family at Adeye’s blog.

  9. Casi Denton says:

    Aunt Kristin,
    Could you please email me the lovely family photo file so I can put the family photo in my new digs? I need an updated photo of my family. Hope to see you soon for some much needed girly time. Miss you. Love you. Give all your kids hugs for me (including Uncle Mat)

  10. Lori says:

    Love your blog and seeing how your family grows together 🙂

  11. annie says:

    Beautiful honesty (along with beautiful photos!)… I’m a little late, but I do check in from time to time to see if there are any updates on your family and Ian. I’m so glad to hear that he is adjusting so well in so many ways! That is wonderful. I would bet that the more “annoying” behaviors will lessen or even disappear, as Ian feels more and more like a member of the family. I can imagine the stress and exhaustion you are feeling, but know that it is all worth it. Rely on God’s strength; He will give you both the patience and the energy that you need. He will not leave you in your time of need. Blessings from California!

  12. Love the honesty of your posts. We are currently in the early stages of adopting two school-aged HIV+ girls from UA and there are so many “what ifs” in the situation. It’s great to read your thoughts and know that if we feel them somewhere down the line, we aren’t alone. Love your story, and love your boy! His personality shines through the photos.

  13. Elle Bee says:

    This is a wonderful update. Your honesty is truly beautiful and it is a relief for me to hear that I am not the only adoptive mom that is struggling with those same feelings. Thank you for your courage to share as I’m sure it is building up many others besides me.

  14. Jenna says:

    Hi Fisher Family
    My name is Jenna. Ian You are a brave courageous fighter, You, Your brothers and sister are all special miracle from god, a gift from above, earthly angel,Ian you are a smilen hero.

    I was born with a rare life threatening disease, and have 14 other medical conditions, and developmental delays.

    I wrote this poem

    Each of us are Special

    Each of us different,

    No one is the same

    Each of are us are unique in our own way,

    Those of us who have challenges, we smile through our day.

    Those who of us who have challenges, we smile through our day.

    It doesn’t matter what others say

    we are special anyway.

    What is forty feet and sings? the school chior http/www.miraclechamp.webs.com

  15. JD says:

    Ian (and your family) have made an indelible mark upon my heart and I am continuing to hold you all in prayer and love daily.

  16. Sue says:

    I hope that things are getting easier for you and you will update soon.

  17. debbie says:

    Well I guess you’re not going to update the blog anymore, it’s been a year 😦 Hope everything is going very well! God Bless

  18. 6 Fishies says:

    So sorry for our silence! We will post an update soon- I promise!

  19. JD says:

    Continuing to pray for you and your family. ❤

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